Friday, February 12, 2016

It Was the Elf

Sorry I haven't written in awhile. So let's just put it right out there- I'm having a slight feeling of guilt in preaching what I've not been strictly practicing.
Me telling you to keep focused, to avoid unhealthy choices and to suck it up is like a plastic surgeon with a gigantic schnoz telling you you need a nose job...or a bleached blond with fake nails and obvious silicone boobs telling you to "stay real".
I can't lie to you. I'm not visiting the Dairy Queen or Pizza Hut on a regular basis, but I have indulged in a few things that Fitness Pal would unfriend me for.
I've tried blaming it on the weather ...cold = comfort food, PMS ( but I'm almost 60), and a little Keebler Elf that practically held me hostage in his cookie tree. But, hey- like the blond said -"let's be real".
I'm weak.
However that doesn't mean I'm done. It just means I'm going to have to take another route around the cheese aisle in the grocery store, drive three miles out of my way to avoid McDonalds, and tell the next well-meaning friend who offers me cheesecake to shove it.
Seriously, it was the chili with crackers and cheese that sabotaged my good efforts last week. A Super Bowl splurge...Even though I have no interest whatsoever in a silly football game.

And Sunday is Valentines Day...oh, Lordy!

But, hey, I'm prepared to bypass a Whitman Sampler in order to show that cockeyed bathroom scale who's who! And in addition to just needing so badly to prove to myself I can do this, I've already bought a dress for a wedding coming up in two weeks. There's no room in that tight belly pouch for Cadbury eggs, bonbons or person pan pizzas. Not even with double duty Spanx and a Saran Wrap home sauna...
So, ( as my husband says when he's trying to be cool or funny)- I think you're picking up what I'm laying down...
It's a struggle. But once you've eaten that cookie, you do know it's okay to run down, stalk and strangle that little elf, don't you?
Very well. Now, let's carry on.

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Tricks of the Thin People

I'm all for doing research when
confronted with the unknown
or when I begin an activity or project
that that I have questions about.

Just like this weight loss thing...I've been studying ways
to at least look thinner until I can actually be thinner.

The experts say that one way is tricks with makeup.
They claim that eye makeup can make your eyes appear larger-
thus causing your face to appear smaller.
And make sure to give your lips and cheeks some added color
and powder your nose.Okay.
The bigger your eyes,the smaller your face.
Got that.

Then the same concept should be used when choosing a hairstyle.
The more lift and volume to your hair- the smaller your face seems.

Big hair=Smaller face.

Of course we all know the clothing factor
in looking thinner.
White is out.
Vertical stripes instead of horizontal.
Darker color on bottom.
No pleats or big pockets.
Supportive underwear.
No belly tops.

But I do feel that if your
personality is young and vibrant
then your clothing should reflect that.
No use constantly wearing black.
Remember the old saying?

if you paint a barn black- it's still gonna be a barn!
So, lighten up.

So, after thorough research,
I instantly tried all the
above hints and tips.

How do I look?

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Great Expectations

Someone once said that losing weight
is not a cure for life.
They warn us that even after
reaching our goal weight,
we will still have the same spouse,
same kids, the same house,
the same job and the same life.

Of course, that is probably the opinion
of some rail-skinny doctor
who has never finished off an entire pecan pie
while watching Jeopardy.

If you go into a diet expecting anything
other than a new life, then I say-
"Why do it?"
For me, a diet will change my life.

Yes, I will still have the same husband.
But he will want to smother me in kisses
whenever I walk across the room
in something other than my
greasy sweat shirt and flannel sleep pants.

Same kids.
But I'll finally have leverage with my girls.
They'll want to borrow my cute new clothes.
Maybe I can bribe them to weed the flower bed
in exchange for wearing those awesome jeans.

My house will change- sure it will.
It will be full of healthy foods,
the doorways will seem larger,
and I will have a psychotic fear
of falling through the toilet seat.
I'll have massive mounds of beautiful landscaping
because I'll be able to bend over easily
to pluck up weeds-
And that same old car?
Well- it will finally be clean.
Sparking- because I've exercised
my way around it twenty times
with a soapy sponge.

The same old job?
No. No. No.
People will treat you differently.
There won't be Donut Day in the lounge.
You'll be able to wear real jeans
on casual Fridays
and you'll smile more.
Confidence will be an asset
and you will finally possess it.

The same old life?
Only if you want it to be.

Maybe I'm getting crazy.
But I believe that finding thin
will be like finding a new world.
The world you saw in fantastic dreams-
the world you cried yourself to sleep over
after someone called you fat-
the world that is merely baby steps away-
shining- breathing- ready for you
to break from your cocoon
and celebrate.

We can't always listen to the experts.
We have to listen to our hearts.

Just get healthy...lose the weight...enjoy the journey.
All the other things will fall into place.